What Van? Britain's biggest and best van buyers' guide

3rd Report

Once you’ve been living with a vehicle for a few months you begin to get to know its quirks and foibles, and so it is with my Berlingo Crew Van. Readers of a certain age may remember a 1970s children’s TV programme that took the five-minute slot before the more serious business of the Six O’Clock News took over.

It was called The Clangers and featured a community of small, knitted woollen mouse-like creatures who lived on a planet a bit like the moon and communicated through making squeaky whistling noises.

The Clangers were resurrected in 2015, when the show was narrated by Michael Palin of Monty Python fame, and I can now report that they seem to have made another come back, but this time they are residing behind the dashboard in my Citroën Berlingo.

Speed cameras are thick on the ground in south east London, where many streets are restricted to 20mph, and every time the Berlingo approaches one, a shrill ascending Clanger-like whistle lets the driver know about it, followed by an equally high-pitched descending hoot when the danger has passed. 

It is undoubtedly helpful to be warned to slow down to avoid picking up a speeding fine, but if you’re spending long hours in the cab it becomes invasive and grates on the nerves – I wonder whether a visual speed sign alert might be more appropriate. Having said that, the dashboard-mounted indicator that tells the driver when to select a more economical gear is so discreet it is easy to miss.

I have found the Berlingo’s infotainment provision hit and miss. While I have no complaints about the simple to use and accurate sat-nav or the glitch-free DAB radio service, which is easy to adjust via steering wheel-mounted buttons, the hands-free phone pairing via Bluetooth leaves much to be desired. Receiving calls on the move is fine but the system has failed to download my contacts or to recall ingoing or outgoing calls. Every time I turn on the ignition, I am greeted by the message: ‘Synchronisation failed’.

The double-cab is separated from the load bay by a clever moveable meshed bulkhead, which offers versatility and allows occupants to see what’s in the back. The twin rear doors, however, are unglazed, which begs the question as to why the redundant rear-view mirror is still in place, seeing as how the driver must rely on the two wing mirrors to gauge what is going on behind the van. The rear side windows are also unglazed, making it a tad gloomy for back-seat passengers.

The Berlingo is agile and manoeuvrable in tight spaces, and reversing is made less stressful by the presence of rear parking sensors. These are only included, though, as
a £200 option when they really ought to be a standard fit. 

If you want a rear-view camera to go with the rear parking sensors, it will set you back an extra £300.

Report card: Driver assistance features = 2/5

Hit and miss and too much is optional rather than standard.

Citroen Berlingo Enterprise Edition Crew Van XL BlueHDi 100  

Mileage 1,337mls